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In Search of Truth and the Meaning of Life
In 1961, against the judgment and advice of my entire family, my mother enrolled me in the first grade across town in a predominantly white Catholic school. I later found out that I was the first and only black in the entire school. Some of my classmates had never seen a “negro.” It was my being in the midst of the existing racial climate along with the fear of God instilled in me by the nuns that led me to accept the Lord Jesus as my Savior at that time. I was also so impressed with the priest that I made a commitment to be a priest when I grew up. That changed in junior high school with the hormonal changes of my body. As I entered my high school years the fear of God persisted but was often being replaced with a love of God and a desire to know Him more. Unfortunately, this desire to know Him was overshadowed by my inclinations toward the world. I would make promises, resolutions and attempts to read the Bible more and pray, but would end up in failure. I never seemed to get past a chapter or two with minimal understanding.
Upon entering college, I began to question the purpose and meaning of life. I began to desperately pray for answers. I sincerely wanted to give myself to the Lord, but which group or denomination? Initially, I went back to Catholicism and became a youth director and joined the Knights of Columbus in an attempt to dedicate myself to the Lord. Eventually this led to more confusion and frustration. I then looked to all the religions in order to find the truth. This led to more confusion, questions and frustrations. I then focused on all the Christian denominations and came to the conclusion that they all based their differing standards on the same Bible and the same Christ. This was the most frustrating of all and led me to question the Bible. I then started to pray about the validity of the Bible and I set out to determine whether it is “the” word of God. If not, I was not going to give myself to this anymore (I did not know what I was going to do).
After a year or more of intellectual and philosophical study to prove or disprove the Bible, I found myself even more frustrated without an answer. On January 13 of 1976 at 11:15pm I prayed a deep and sincere prayer asking the Lord what this life is about. Are we here to do time, make a living the best we can, retire, then die? I just couldn't buy that. I couldn't accept that a God so great and powerful would create a universe and man so wonderfully complex (I was pre-med at the time) just to exist for that. Then something happened that I can't really explain. The Lord showed me that this life is just vanity without His purpose (Eccl. 1:2, James 4:14-15). It was then I saw without a shadow of a doubt that the Bible is the Word of God and His eternal purpose was in this book. From then on I did everything I could to get into this book. I did correspondence courses by mail and listened to many talk Christian radio stations. In 1979, I was introduced to the teaching of Witness Lee and Watchman Nee. During that time I had a policy that if you had an opinion about the Word, it had to be backed up by the Word. Initially I questioned many of Witness Lee's writings, but he always backed them up with the Word. Eventually I came to realize that his writings led me to have a deeper love and understanding of the Word, the Lord, the church and His eternal purpose. The more I read, the more the Lord's desire has become my desire. It has been almost 20 years and I can count on one hand how many days I have missed getting into the Word. It used to be a chore, but now it is an enjoyment. Watchman Nee and Witness Lee have opened the Bible door for me to see God's eternal purpose for man (Eph. 3:9-11). I am at peace knowing the meaning of life because of the truths revealed in the Bible opened up by the faithfulness of those two brothers in the Lord.
E.W. | Back to List
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